My 44 years with The Hobbit
44 years ago I read The Hobbit for the first time and I just finished reading it again. I’ve come back to this story several times in the course of my lifetime and I imagine this won’t be my last re-read. This book has been woven into the fiber of my being, its threads are visible in the tapestry of my own life stories. And each time I return to it, I bring back a little something more, add some texture and depth to my understanding of these stories and my own life.
When I was 11, I met Gandalf, Bilbo, and Thorin Oakenshield’s company. The face of the tale had me enthralled immediately: Recover a vast hoard of treasure and the ancestral home of 13 dwarves seeking revenge and redemption from the clutches of an evil dragon! It had me from the moment I read the first page, and if I’m honest, I think it had sunk it’s hooks into me when I looked at the cover art and the title. It was interesting. It was mysterious. It took me far away to places I had never imagined and let me stay there. And I knew there was more. My mother had given me the boxed set of The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings paperbacks. The four books were in a red cardboard sleeve, there were designs on the sides that were intriguing and I spent many hours looking at them trying to figure out what they meant. But it was the books that had me. The way they felt in my hand and the smell of the pages as I leafed through them. It was heady stuff and just what I needed in that moment. It gave me hope that there was a “back again” part to the journey. And I think that’s why I keep coming back to it. Hope.
In 1978 I was in complete free fall. No friends. Failing out of school. Not eating. Just slowly withering on the vine. I had no hope, I had no idea how to right my life, how to make a “there” let alone a “back again”. Traumatized and shell shocked I was floundering, in need of a life line. Earlier that year I had watched my brother shoot himself. While we were home. Alone. My world collapsed with that earth-shattering, booming, impossible noise. Falling inward to a vast dark well, I think I was nearly lost, lost for good. And then a light, an unlooked for boon, a handhold that I grasped, desperate, scared and lost. I began to read. Bilbo faced monsters, he was scared, often he was alone, but he managed. He went There and came Back again. It was as if Tolkien whispered this vital secret to me: Though the path might wind through dark places, there is a way back.
And slowly, slowly, I found my way back. My love for The Hobbit and Middle-earth continued to grow. Having finished Bilbo’s adventure, I felt my way through the Lord of the Rings, missing most of it as a young pre-teen but loving what I caught. A few years later when I went back to The Hobbit I was amazed to find the roots of a greater story there waiting for me. After reading the Silmarillion I went back yet again and found even more hints and a deeper layering of mythology woven into the fabric of that first story. I was amazed! Who was this author, and how did he manage to create such a vast world and tie it all together? I dove deeper still, and I am still swimming in those waters today. The magic of Middle-earth was healing for me, spending time in the Shire, in Rivendale, and in the house of Beorn began to unwind the knots in my psyche and in my heart.
The Power of Greed
As I grew older I starting thinking more about the characters and themes in the story since I knew the beats of the tale by heart. I have found much there, fruitful things that have helped me navigate my own life a little bit better. Or at least recognizing the traps and stupidities I’d fallen into after the fact. My latest re-read got me thinking about greed and how it manifests itself in our lives. Tolkien shows us the naked greed of Smaug as he sits on his massive bed of treasures. The great dragon knows his hoard, down to the last cup as Bilbo regretfully finds out. And the theft of this cup leads to massive reprisals as he first tries to find and kill the dwarves and then turns his attention on the people of Lake Town. Killing and destroying so much for the sake of a single golden cup. The corrosive greed of Thorin as he lusts for the fabled Arkenstone is no less destructive. He is willing to sacrifice the lives of his kith and kin to obtain it, and threatens to kill Bilbo once he finds he has given it to his perceived enemies. This greed is so aligned to the demeanor of Gollum that I couldn’t help but see the two characters as one avatar. Of course, Gollum’s problems stem from holding the penultimate artifact of an evil god. The One Ring would subvert any who held it. Thorin’s greed stemmed from his own heart, which made it all the more tragic to me. The greed of the Elvish King Thranduil was surprising to me at first. His own lust for precious stones and jewels led him to imprison the dwarves and then go to war for Thorin’s treasure trove. However Tolkien shows that Elves are not set apart from short lived mortals in their passions, and in fact their long lives may be a factor that adds to their plight. While the goodness of the elves is always underlined by Tolkien, the fact they can be fallible and terrible in their wrath is never too far from the surface. And the wizards are also not immune from the pull of avarice, Saruman of course being the prime example from the Lord of the Rings.
Compassion, Mercy, and Pity
On the other side of the scale are the qualities that lead to a good ending to the story. The selflessness of Bilbo as he gives up his share of the treasure for the sake of peace. The aid and succor of the elves to the people of Lake Town and the fairness of Bard after he slays Smaug and reestablishes Dale. Beorn who shelters, feeds, and provisions Thorin’s company. Elrond, who deciphers the Moon Letters and provides the key to success for the entire venture, does so out of his own wisdom and goodness. There are definitely hints of Divine Intervention throughout this tale as well as the Lord of the Rings, but it is never really overtly called out and I’m glad it wasn’t. Good behavior, moral fortitude, and wisdom, untethered from a divine source, makes it all the more poignant to me. Choosing to be kind, to have compassion, mercy and pity become powerful human traits. Treating each other well can pave the road to victory in our own life stories, and after all we are the heroes in our own stories.
Ultimately, I think that’s what keeps me coming back to this book, despite its simple nature. During decades of living I have found myself in the roles of many of these characters. In the shoes of Thorin, Bilbo, and Gollum. I have been kind, and cruel, spectacularly flawed and unwittingly good. I have been selfish and greedy, and sometimes selfless and giving. I have been lucky. I have been human in every way. Perhaps because I first read this book in one of the most dire and dark times in my life it has imprinted itself on me in a special sort of way. Even now when I gaze out across a lake, or a vast stretch of forest, I think of Bilbo and his adventure. It lives with me quietly, peeking out nearly everyday to color my world view, to lift my heart. I love this book.
After all, it showed me the way, There and Back Again.